Unravelling and weaving, sometimes simultaneously

Malaise

I haven’t felt like talking much lately;

processing,

processing.

I don’t question

how much stress I can deal with,

for both experiential

and superstitious reasons,

not any more…

why tempt fate?

I live in interesting times,

but I am also charmed

in many ways.

Charms are not always lucky,

you know.

Surviving can be

cold comfort

for the broken.

There are nights I dread lying down,

and mornings I fear arising,

times when worries and dreams

meld together

into a perpetual miasma

of angst.

There are long spells of time

that I consort with ghosts —

not spirits passed,

of which there are a few

surrounding me —

but the revenants of life instead,

the ugly fears

attempting to manifest

pushing into my consciousness

trying to force me to scream.

But I won’t.

I hold my tongue.

I close my eyes when they appear before me,

open them again when they invade my dreams,

maintain my silence,

scrabble for peace,

just a moment,

an instant

of peace —

of freedom.

The pain is the simplest to deal with

because it reminds me

I am alive.

The rest?

The rest tease me into wondering

why I still am.

(c) RCGA 2014

The Raven -- Lorenzo Mattotti

The Raven — Lorenzo Mattotti

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